Not Kimya Zahedi, a Muslim Iranian-American, orTaylor Lasley, a Presbyterian African-American. AndClark Buden, great-grandson of Nelson Rockefeller, sure isn’t a M.O.T., regardless of what Z.O.G.-mindedanti-Semites say about the W.A.S.P.iest family in America. But that isn’t stopping any of them from putting on rocking “faux-mitzvahs” that are the envy of their Jewish friends.

“More and more non-Jewish kids are insisting on their own bar or bat mitzvah-style parties — without the religious rites and months of studious preparation — when they turn 13,” reports People (article available to subscribers only). “For Kimya’s Feb. 20 bash, the Zahedis shelled out around $40,000 for a caterer, deejay (her mom,Nassrin, 47, a cosmetic dentist, even asked him to play the hora), emcee and two professional dancers, a fog machine, a fashion show, a video montage of highlights from Kimya’s life, and party favors from haut chocolatier Fauchon. The result was ‘no different from a bat mitzvah, just without the long service,’ says Kimya’s classmate Andrea Yoss, 13, who had her bat mitzvah at Manhattan’s Harvard Club in November. Adds friend Christina Guidera, 13: ‘The music was a lot better too. At the bat mitzvahs they play weird songs for the parents.'”

Leave it to the goyim to do for coming-of-age what they’ve done for Christmas. Less God, more sugar. Tastes treyf!

*****
At Bloggercon, where the elders of Blog recently gathered to ponder a set of protocols, one A-lister remarked that most of the bloggers in the room had more in common with a blogger in, say, Afghanistan, than their next-door neighbor who reads People. Sure do — elite status, techie inclination, easy online access. Not like the snaggle-toothed trolls chortling over People in print. Hey, that’s us! Here at The Revealer our teeth are crooked and our People subscription is paid, so go ahead, chat with that Afghanistani cutie online and get your groceries from Freshdirect — we’ll keep you up to date on the religion of the People of the print.

As it happens, they do some decent reporting. Like this number, from their report on the latest bit of Left Behind: “Number of readers who’ve told the authors they became born-again because of the books [60 mil sold]: about 3,000.” That’s a .005% return.

People also hints at some hot man-on-man action between the pop cult princes of Christianity, author Tim LaHaye and Mel Gibson, whom LaHaye imagines playing the series’ hero,Rayford Steele, in a movie-in-the-works: “‘I’ll look into thos beautiful blue eyes of his and say, ‘Mel I’ve got something for you to pray about.’ Sounds divine.”