It's no secret there's a short supply of Catholic priests in the US, so when we heard that the shortage was now forcing churches to consolidate, we put our heads together to come up with some options for the Catholic Church.  While we admit that numbers 1 and 2 would almost completely solve the problem, we provide other choices for a Church leadership hell-bent on preventing Vatican III. 1.  Lift the ban on celibacy 2. Ordinate women 3. Provide US citizenship to foreigners who wish to enter the priesthood 4. Clone the (non-corrupt or closeted) priests you've got 5. Further subsidize theological education 6. Improve the vintage of "the blood of Christ" 7. Update the vestments.  It's time. 8. Money.  Offer a signing bonus.  Hey, the military does it.