Pontifigate: Hazardous to My Health

Published on April 29, 2010

Mary Valle: Oh! My stomach can't take any more! Thank you, Pontifigate. You have literally made me sick. Watergate gave its followers such a savory feeling of justice being served; there were bad guys, breaking laws, covering it up, bungling along the way: then it all ended so satisfactorily. If a scandal could have umami, Watergate did. This mess gives no such satisfaction.

Mary Valle: Oh! My stomach can’t take any more! Thank you, Pontifigate. You have literally made me sick. Watergate gave its followers such a savory feeling of justice being served; there were bad guys, breaking laws, covering it up, bungling along the way: then it all ended so satisfactorily. If a scandal could have umami, Watergate did. This mess gives no such satisfaction. New horrors confront me each morning; I’m beginning to wonder if it’s possible to perform a citizen’s arrest on an institution? What is an institution, anyway, but a collection of people who decide to organize, name themselves, and sometimes wear funny outfits? If lieutenants of said organization are committing crimes, globally, repeatedly, systematically, and then covering them up ineffectually, no matter how many kind and decent people are said to be within the institution’s ranks, something has to give. In a hierarchy, one expects the leader to take the blame. One might think that the weight of sheer embarrassment might prompt the Pope to step down, voluntarily, and declare an emergency Vatican council (III!) Considering all the countries we haven’t heard from yet (oh, Poland) I may have to bill the church for my Zofran; but I forgot. The billing only goes one-way.

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