There’s really no news value in alerting the world of the fact that the Family Research Council, a Washington-based Christian fundamentalist Sinn Fein to James Dobson’s figurative IRA, loathes LGBT people. But every now and then the daily email newsletter from FRC chief Tony Perkins is especially ripe with unintended innuendos. You’d think an ostensibly straight, gay-hating man as meticulously blow-dried and groomed as Tony Perkins — his name is Tony Perkins! — would have learned by now to be wary about gay double-entendres. But here’s what he has to say in denouncing PFLAG’s (Parents, Friends, and Families of Lesbians and Gays) claims that the queer community is a major part of the American economy: “Homosexuals are known for exaggerating their numbers.” We’re at a loss to explain what he means or where he gets his information. Perhaps a bad experience with online dating?

Perkins is peeved because PFLAG will ring the closing bell at the NY Stock Exchange tomorrow. “Some of these pro-homosexual companies,” writes Tony, “may soon have their bell rung by the tens of millions of Christians who increasingly recognize the assault on our faith, our values, and our families.” You got that, nancy-boys? Tony Perkins wants to ring your bells. He may not be able to perform as fully as he’d like, however. Perkins goes on to claim that 83% of Americans are Christians, and thus, apparently, as obsessed with gay sex as he is. Sure, Tony. Over the internet, you can say you’re as big as you want to.

(We were just kidding around above, but now we’ll be straight with you. The looker pictured in the links above isn’t our Tony; we’re really talking about this bell-ringing boy.)