We here at the Revealer apologize for the length of time the links have been out of commission [Insert stock hurricane/presidential election/Nor’Easter trifecta excuse here].

Now that that unpleasantness is dealt with, let’s get back in the saddle. Or Saucer. The kind that FLIES. Honestly, both the global warming (excuse me, Wrath of God) doomsday scenario that seems to be playing out and the presidential election left me musing wistfully on how nice it would be to have my very own flying saucer, one I could fly to a far-away planet where the tides and temperatures aren’t perpetually rising and the “Fiscal Cliff” is an actual geological formation. If the President gets his very own $223 Million “Doomsday Jet” then I should get my own high-tech ride, shouldn’t I? Unfortunately, Jasper Copping at The Independent thinks that probably won’t happen any time soon – and says that neither do most people who previously thought it would. You see, believing in UFOs is so 20th century. Copping even goes so far as to make the claim that the study of UFOs could end within the next decade.

This prediction is out of balance with other news on the subject.  Back in August, The Telegraph claimed that Britain (the focus of Copping’s study) is visited by an average of one UFO a month, according to an actual Ministry of Defence official. Then there’s this bit of intrigue from the India-China border. Or the fact that BBC officials prevented professor Brian Cox from pointing a radio telescope at the newly discovered planet Threapleton Holmes B because doing so would result in serious health and safety regulation violations should any response from the planet be forthcoming. Given typical government/bureaucratic response time, if there’s a plan in place, it’s not going anywhere any time soon. And then there’s the folks at ExoNews: I’m pretty sure they don’t think the phenomenon’s going anywhere, either. Perhaps Copping meant that British “government funding for UFO research is being cut rapidly,” as the U.S. cut its (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) SETI program in the last few years.

More to the point, it doesn’t really matter whether UFOs exist or not for there to be a thriving “UFO movement.” We here at The Revealer like to believe that, to quote what is clearly the most important television show of all time (read: most important to me), that “The Truth is Out There.” Still. Even in instances when people say it isn’t.

How can we say this? Because the “Truth” really isn’t about objectivity –  in politics, for instance, it’s all about perspective.

Take this pre-election discussion of the presidential election on Fox News. Apparently, Hurricane Sandy, the largest ecological disaster in the United States since Katrina, was also exactly the windfall Obama needed to get himself back in the race. No, really:

“Nobody really knows what the impact of hurricane Sandy will be on the election. Until its waves crashed into the New Jersey shore, the election was well in hand for the Romney campaign.”

Was it now? Here I thought that it had been close the whole time.

Then there’s this: the Romney Mega-Prayer. Is it real? Is it fake? Check out the Twitter action. No one is sure! Or rather, a lot of people are sure, but they can’t all be right. I, for one, can only testify to the truth of the fact that I’d be all right with speaking Turkish.

This kind of stuff is everywhere in politics, obviously. One person’s “putting politics before God” is another’s “vicious political attack.”

But this isn’t only an issue for consideration in politics. In other instances, the “Truth Out There” refers to the truth you haven’t been told yet.

Take Grimm’s Fairy Tales, those stories collected from 19th-century German woodsmen by two brothers to make the task of scaring their children s@#$less easier for said woodsmen. Well…the truth, it turns out, is a little different. The Brothers Grimm weren’t hanging out with the volk but hobnobbing with the aristocracy. Some of the stories were even taken from those told by Frenchman Charles Perrault (pictured below).

Who you thought told fairy tales to the Brothers Grimm (Image via color kiddies.com)

Who actually told fairy tales to the Brothers Grimm (Image via people quiz.com)

“So,” you might be saying at this point, “The truth is a matter of perspective, and often hasn’t been told to us yet? Great. Really informative. Why do I read this blog again?” Fair point. But thank you for sticking with us thus far, because have we found some truth out there for you!

We already mentioned the Doomsday Jet – which almost certainly means the American government is convinced of an impending catastrophe. But there’s further evidence of civilizational decay everywhere. That’s right, this is a global problem. The Vatican has announced that recent election results in America and Europe in favor of gay marriage have served to “erase…an achievement of civilization.” Shayne Looper, a pastor himself, also shares the news that religious persecution in the “10/40 window” has never been higher. He even has specific cases to prove it. Who needs statistics when you have proof?

But societal degradation hasn’t just crept in “like so much Sharia law” (I know we probably can’t say this, but I’m pleased with the analogy) in America, Europe, Africa, and Asia. Even Australia isn’t safe. One “play” this Halloween (hint: it was a Christian Hell house even if they didn’t admit it) in Darwin warned of the degradation of society and its impending destruction.

We haven’t even gotten to the resignation of David Petraeus, which has simultaneously sparked lamentations over the “worship” of military figures, speculation that there may be some sort of security risk at its heart, and theorizing that it a little too conveniently coincides with his planned testimony before Congress regarding the attacks on the Libyan Consulate (now cancelled). Bottom line? Something’s being hidden? But what?

Could it be a biological war in which smallpox is unleashed upon the population of rural Utah?

Has the alien wizard (below) who makes powerful men want to have sex with everyone in sight returned to bring about the downfall of civilization? Barack Obama has certainly encountered him before.

South Park Alien Wizard, via mediaite.com

Or could it be the impending border war between those who want to secede from the United States and those who want to deport those who want to secede? Lord knows they’re arming themselves.

Or is it the invasion of the multiplexes our fair country by North Korean visitors, scheduled for NEXT WEDNESDAY, that we should all be worried about?

In their own FACT-driven analysis of civilization’s situation, the National Organization for Marriage has, apparently, cited hyper-caffeinated Muslims as the greatest threat.

We admit, it’s hard to figure out which of these doomsday scenarios are in play (For example, if we just deport them to Texas, won’t the secessionists be happy?). The president always knows something we don’t. But government cover-ups, hate-speech masquerading as entertainment, and a population that is frantically arming itself are all the excellent reasons to want to hitch an intergalactic ride to Krypton (or Dagobah, if that’s more your thing). It’s nice to think the truth is out there somewhere, because it gets pretty alarming looking for it around here.

 

Nathan Schradle is a graduate student in the Religious Studies Program at New York University.