By Amy Levin

 

Did Santa bring me a boyfriend this year? Smooches for all red, juicy collagen-chocolate filled lips. This v-day I’ll find my soul mate so my full heart becomes a half and we eat goodies like lollipops and lexapro. I think I found him on OkCupid; he buys me roses from Wal-Mart that I place in my hair and promise to never take it out and so I play Regina to sing me to sleep:

The flowers you gave me are rotting and still I refuse to throw them away.
Some of the bulbs never opened quite fully
They might so I’m waiting and staying awake.
Things I have loved I’m allowed to keep
I’ll never know if I go to sleep.

He’s Jewish! He’s Jewish! Spread the Good News! His name is Karl Marxstein and we exchange and exchange and plan to celebrate Valentine’s day with a bottle of Manischewitz and my mother’s Groupon but instead I watch Carrie Bradshaw marry herself while Charlotte shows me how to be a Jewish housewife. I use Oprah’s prayer book but it’s really a cookbook for the best guilt-free valentines special and I really feel like a woman.

 

Amy Levin is a graduate student in Religious Studies at New York University and a regular contributor to The Revealer.  She is a permablogger at Feminism and Religion.